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GOLF TRIVIA

• 125,000 golf balls a year are hit into the water at the famous 17th hole of the Stadium Course at Sawgrass.
• The longest drive ever is 515 yards. The longest putt ever is a monstrous 375 feet. My brother-in-law hit a drive down river from the marina in Dubuque, Iowa when the Mississippi was frozen and it has just been sighted passing Memphis.
• Phil Michelson, who plays left-handed, is actually right handed. He learned to play golf by mirroring his father’s golf swing, and has used left handed golf clubs ever since. I’m left handed, but learned to become right handed at an early age attending Sacred Hearts.
• The chances of making two holes-in-one in a round of golf are one in 67 million. The chances of winning Powerball are one in 175 million.
• Tiger Woods snagged his first ace at the tender age of 8 years old.
• Balls travel slightly further on hot days. A golfer swinging a club at around 100 MPH will carry the drive up to 8 yards longer for each increase in air temperature of 25 degrees.
• The longest golf course in the world is the par 77 International Gold Club in Massachusetts which measures a fearsome 8325 yards.
• The highest golf course in the world is the Tachu Golf Club in Morococha, Peru which sits 14,335 feet above sea level at its lowest point. Why bother climbing Mt Acuncuaga (sp.) when you can ride a golf cart that high.
• The longest golf hole in the world is the 7th hole (par 7) of the Sano Course at the Satsuki Golf Club in Japan. It measures an incredible 909 yards.
• The largest bunker in the world is Hell’s Half Acre on the 585 yard 7th hole of the Pine Valley Course in New Jersey.
• The largest golf green is that of the 695 yard 5th hole at the International Golf Club in Massachusetts with an area of 28,000 square feet.
• The driver swing speed of an average lady golfer is 62 mph, 96 mph for an average LPGA professional, 84 mph for an average male golfer, 108 mph for an average PGA tour player, 130 mph for Tiger Woods, 148-152 mph for a national long drive champion.
• There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
• The first golf balls were made of thin leather stuffed with feathers. Tightly packed feathers made balls that flew the furthest. Feather balls were used until 1848. Our tour guide in Scotland said shepherds used their crooks to hit sheep dung, but that probably didn’t hold up as well as their feather counterparts.
• The youngest golfer to shoot a hole in one was Coby Orr, who was 5 years old at the time. It happened in Littleton, Colorado in 1975.
• 22.8% of golfers are women.
• Golf was banned in Scotland from 1457 to 1502 to ensure citizens wouldn’t waste time when preparing for an English invasion.
• The term birdie comes from an American named Ab Smith. While playing in 1899, he played what he described as a “bird of a shot”, which became birdie over time.
• The word golf does not mean “Gentlemen only, ladies forbidden”. This is an internet myth. It is thought the word golf comes from the Dutch word “kolf” or “kolve” meaning club. Historians believe this was passed on to the Scottish, whose own dialect changed this to “glove” “gowl” or “gouf”. By the sixteenth century, this had evolved into the word we know today. In actuality the word golf as seen in a mirror spells flog which is what players do to themselves while on the course.
• Don’t feel bad about your high handicap, 80% of all golfers never achieve a handicap of less than 18.
• The longest hole in one ever was recently posted by Bret Melson at the Ko”olau Golf Club in Oahu, Hawaii recently deemed the third hardest course in America with a rating of 74.4 and a 158 slope. ( 448 yards, par 4, 18th hole) The previous record was the 444 yard 10th hole at the Miracle Hills Golf Club in Omaha, Nebraska

IMPOPRTANT REMARKS THAT NEED TO BE SHARED WITH GOLFING BUDDIES

Air ball – off the tee box, that should begin coming down when we get out there! Houston we have lift off! From the song – What goes up must come down!

Powerful swing or hit – He is as strong as an ox – and twice as smart!

Bad round – Oh I was just practicing my sandbagging techniques!

Hitting into homes – Guess who’s going to small claims court?

Mediocre hit – I think your ego got in the way, next time get a death grip and swing harder.

Slow play – While we’re young! He who hesitates, has to wait a little bit longer!

For rule meisters – Well the USGA (according to John) necessitates a free drop two club lengths, no closer to the tee box. Does not! Does too!

Tree trouble – The ladies arboretum society will be addressing you after this round.

Tees – Difficulty placing ball on tee. You know the club is holding a fall tee school next week.

Islamic school of thought for poor shot – What man proposes, Allah disposes!

Lip outs – are called prom putts, all lip, and no hole!

Near miss – is a debutant hit (nearly a Miss)!

Short putts – Is it true, real men don’t put their thong one leg at a time, or the package goes toward the front, or did your club got caught in your dress?

Putts that won’t stop – That thing is running like an infected dick!

Aroma – If there is a special aroma whether it be a skunk, something dead or a fart that only you have noticed and there is the absolute necessity to share it with your group, ‘Hey! Do you smell barbecue, or coffee?” Guess who will all take truly deep breaths?

Wrong cart – Hey I think you were in the white cart with the black trim!

TOP TEN REASONS GOLF IS BETTER THAN SEX

• A below par performance is considered darned good.
• You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
• It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
• Foursomes are encouraged.
• You can still make money doing it as a senior.
• Three times a day is possible.
• Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
• If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
• You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.
• When your equipment gets old you can replace it.